Since making the tire connection, I had taken to trying to break down this fear. On an intellectual level I understood that life isn’t necessarily a traumatic experience. It is all in how you look at it. I mean look at how my husband approaches a flat tire, just change the tire and get on with it. Me on the other hand was paralysed with fear.
This has been a habit for some time. I think what happened is that I never gave myself permission to heal properly from experiences I had had in the past. I tried really hard to squash it all down and get on with it. How many of us do this? Quite a few, I imagine.
I didn’t acknowledge what I had been through and while I wanted to be okay, I wasn’t. So I kept pushing and pushing myself to achieve, maybe I thought that achieving something would make everything alright. It didn’t, how could it? I was living unconsciously. Here is where I get confused. I spent 7 years getting a degree to become a teacher, something I felt guided to do. I spent 6 years in the job... a few years too many, but why would I be guided to a profession which caused so much pain and suffering?
It was actually the pain and suffering which brought me out of my unconsciousness. Since that time I have been living consciously. I found something I love in writing. As part of my growth and development, I do a lot of reading. I love reading other people’s experiences, finding out the lessons they have learned. Reading things that interest other people and in turn, I learn. It is this which motivates my sharing my own insights. I understand that my life insights will not appeal to everyone but there will be an audience out there which it will appeal to and they are who I write for.
Another love of mine is Kinesiology. Kinesiology has helped me in so many ways develop into the person I am today. I see this therapy being in my life forever in some way, shape or form. I love what I do, I love the privilege of sharing a small part of other people’s life journeys. I imagined that this must be the thing I was meant to do. With all the changes to my senses I have been experiencing lately and the fact that circumstances have prevented me from continuing my studies in Kinesiology, I have to wonder if I have actually found my thing?
Perhaps this is something else which has been holding me back from moving forward. Perhaps life wants me to head in a different direction and I am like ‘Are you freaking serious? How many times do you want me to change my career path? I’d just like to get on with what I am meant to be doing so that I can develop some mastery and be effective in that field. Thank you very much.’
It is not that I am not effective in what I do; I know what I bring. I just like to know where I am heading so that I can do all I can to get there. There is fear poking its head out again. Why not relax and understand that everything I have done up until this point must all be connected and fate will seek me out whether I like it or not in good time. Why not just let go and go with the flow instead of always trying to put everything in a neat little box? What’s the worst that could happen?
Inner Health with Neuro-Training
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