The constant increase in awareness I have been experiencing lately has brought with it some misguided feelings of burden. I know that I am not the only one feeling it. The more I become aware of what is happening around me and the role I play in that, the more I take on. As with everything else, I know that I will work through this.
I have a strong sense that I am struggling energetically. I know on one level that this is an internal struggle but it doesn’t stop me from looking outward for answers. At the moment I have taken to wanting to paint my house. I know that painting and smudging my home will help shift stagnant energy. I am hopeful that every effort I make will help. Deep down, I know that I must work on the internal stuff before I will feel and see results on an external level.
My commitment to healing sometimes feels like a full time gig. At times I feel sick and tired of the work I put in and I wonder why I am not more like my husband, who just is. He lives his life in the moment. He does not look forward or backward, he just faces each and every moment presented to him.
I have moments where I let go and allow myself to be, but it is not long before I feel the need to get going with something, always something. I am aware of all that I am in my life, to both myself and to the people in the various areas of my life, I get it. The question I ask myself is, do I keep forgetting all that I am in my life or do I keep feeling the pull back into the conditioned system of life. You know, the one that dictates most of what we do and think, like valuing only that which makes significant money?
Is that what has been driving me? Perhaps on some level, somehow, I was led to believe that money matters, that to really make it in life, I need to be earning a million dollars? On an intellectual level, certainly on a spiritual level, I realise that this is absolutely absurd but something is driving me to push on, to be and do more, always more.
What if the stagnant energy I am feeling at the moment is serving a purpose? I may not be feeling that productive lately but I am taking care of myself and my tribe. Perhaps I just need to give myself permission to be. Nothing lasts forever and this blockage will release as has every other one before it. Perhaps I need to relax and enjoy this time while I have it. Perhaps I don't always need to be pushing so hard.
My philosophy has always been, we are here for a good time, not a long time and I don’t want to waist a minute. I see that life is what we make it and I want my life to be all that I can make it. Perhaps this is a rest stop, pit stop even.
There have been other times in my life where things seemed to slow for a time and I was always itching to get on with the next chapter that I didn’t stop to smell the roses. I didn’t really appreciate those times of pause until life was full steam ahead and the regret would hit me like a sledge hammer.
Time to take a page out of my husband’s book, time to give myself permission to be. Time to shed the misperception that the only contributions which count are financial ones.
If you are doubting the contribution you make, then really think about everything you bring to the table. Set aside what society accepts as a contribution as there is so so much more to life. In fact, I see that the contributions a lot of us out there are taking on are really important at this time, more than we may ever really know.
Contributing means being a listening ear, being present in someone’s life, being there for someone to share their thoughts and feelings, providing space for people to catch up, providing a meal for people to share, inviting a friend out to lunch or to an event, selling a product or service that brings joy, comfort or healing, reaching out, setting forth a prayer or intention, making a phone call. The list is infinite. I think the ingredient that makes any of the above really magical is Divine timing. When making that phone call the precise moment the person at the other end really needed to hear a friendly voice.
Resist the urge to give yourself a hard time for being in a slump, or not feeling up for going out, or not doing the 50 jobs you had on your list to do. Give yourself permission to be, whatever that is for you at this time.
Inner Health with Neuro-Training
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