This Blog is not dedicated to any sense of knowing or understanding but to a sense of wonder about what has been happening for me lately. Generally, I write about experiences I have already had, after the understanding about what has happened has kicked in. Today I share my process of exploration in coming to these understandings.
I have found myself in isolation for quite a few years now, discovering who I am and what I want from my life. I work very hard to clear away the blocks I see holding me back. I understand that chasing anything is but a distraction keeping you from what is, that you are whole as you are, that you have everything you need within. I work hard to clear the blocks that I have developed in my life, blocks which were passed down through genetics, blocks I was conditioned to take in by society and anything that comes up because I feel that I and the people in my life deserve for me to be the best version of me possible.
I believe that life is what you make it. The issue I face at the moment is that because I have been in isolation for so long, I find myself hesitant to take the next step. It is not for a lack of trying as is evident by the last number of Blogs. I have de-cluttered, I have set intentions, I have undertaken therapy sessions to make sure I have the support I need to move forward and still, I feel resistance.
Kinesiology has been my saving grace; it has brought things up that needed to come up while providing the neurological support I needed throughout this process. After my last session, it became apparent I needed to add walking into my schedule. I already knew this but didn’t know where I would possibly find the time to fit it in. I have found the time and the perfect place to slot this into my week and have even talked one of my kids into joining me, but something has stopped me from actually making a start.
I ask myself, what is it that is holding me back from taking this step which has been the missing link? There is an activation in Kinesiology which clears out the lymph and since my Kinesiology session, I have been doing this activation on myself everyday, but the walking will do so much more for my health. The fresh air for my lungs, the sunshine for my skin, the fact that I will be spending time with one of my kids for my soul. One thing I have come to understand on my recuperation journey is that nature provides so much more than we realise. Colour is therapy, smells are therapy, everything in our existence brings some type of therapy.
So in comparison, an activation which clears the lymph compared to the natural act of walking in a natural setting with a family member or friend does so much more than clear the lymph.
Understanding is obviously not holding me back, I get why it is important on a deep level. I do have an inkling as to what has been contributing to my resistance and I have no clue as to how to shift it, but I do trust that the answer will present itself in the right time.
The other day, one of my kids came home in a filthy mood. They wouldn’t speak and snuck off to my room when they got home. I have a wicked jigsaw puzzle set up in my room which my kid has taken to finishing. You will usually find the door shut and music blaring.
At the time I was happy that they knew what to do to disperse their frustration and sure enough after a period of time the mood had dissipated. The next morning, I woke and for no apparent reason, found myself irritated with everything. No one could say or do anything right. I didn’t want to suppress it, so I just felt it and knew that it would pass eventually. At some point during the morning, it occurred to me that I might have absorbed my kid’s negative energy throughout the night.
What does this mean? Why didn’t my husband absorb the energy? I seem to be a sponge who absorbs everything around me and I am wondering what I do about it. I see how it is helping those around me, but how do I manage it so that it doesn’t hold me back from what it is I want for myself? I think there may be a link to my lymph clogging up and my body holding onto weight. I have always known that my weight issue is not a dramatic one, that it wouldn’t take much to shift, but I thought there was a psychological belief I was holding onto which was preventing me from finding my way through.
If I am absorbing everything I am coming into contact with energetically, then maybe this to is the reason I have found myself in isolation for so long. If this is the case, then the activations I have been doing are absolutely the right thing for me to do in addition to the walking and anything else I can do to physically shift this energy. For as we know negative energy turns toxic and this is unhealthy for our health.
There you have it, my process. It usually starts with any therapies I undertake, Kinesiology being the consistent, then something will come up and somehow I just work my way through it, just as I have shared this one with you. Perhaps this was an additional piece of understanding I needed to make the next step. I am very much a why person. You can’t just tell me to do something, I really need to know why. At this point in the process I have an idea about what is going on. From here I will keep my eyes and ears open for confirmation that this is in fact what has been happening and why I find myself in a state of resistance to move forward. What is your process? Have you found the right support to keep you expanding?
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