I have noticed something really cool happening lately. I am noticing all these wonderful people coming into my life who represent everything I love about the world. It made me wonder how this came to be.
I have made no secret about the fact that I had never felt good about myself. Why do I feel the need to be so damn open about everything? Surely this stuff is personal? Yes, it is very personal to me, but I feel that we try too hard to make sure everyone believes that everything is great in our life when sometimes it is not. Why do we do that? What are we afraid of? Are we afraid that people wont understand that sometimes things go wrong, that we learn something from the choices we make, that sometimes we just feel like crap? I actually think people do understand, and more than we give them credit for. All pretence does, is keep us from the very connection we crave.
Whatever connection you feel you have, when you are hiding a part of yourself from another, that relationship is not entirely real. It is limited by your belief that the other person wouldn’t understand or is not trustworthy.
For me, the relationships in my life were not so crash hot, because I did not believe myself to be that crash hot. My outside existence was a reflection of how I felt on the inside. Thus I attracted people who represented how I felt about myself at the time.
The first step for me was to become aware of this fact. Not so easy, let me tell you. Someone would say something hurtful or act toward me in a certain way that I did not like or which caused me pain. Instead of reacting to this and blaming the other person for their cruelty, I started to look within. Sometimes I had to look hard as some of the things I was experiencing, I just did not want to accept about myself, but I did. Somehow I knew that this was an important part of my development and of my moving forward and claiming the life I so desperately wanted.
I understand that you need to be kind to yourself throughout this process as sometimes the cruelty others present, make it difficult, as you think, ‘I am nowhere near that bad, surely?’. In my case I found the behaviour from others to be really harsh when I had ignored the subtler shades that had preceded. It might seem harsh and downright cruel at times, but it depends on how you look at it. You could look at it as a safety net. You are going to sit up and take notice sooner or later, and if you don’t, nothing will change.
Once I had acknowledged yes, these were actually aspects of myself that needed addressing if I wanted things to change, I would forgive myself for them. Guilt, regret and any negative feelings relating to the past seem pointless and counterproductive to me. That sounds callous, I am sure, but that is not my intention. You must acknowledge that you feel these things about anything that has been, but you mustn’t dwell there. It just doesn't serve any purpose to do so, in fact you may make the whole situation worse, as life will centre on what you focus on. I have found that it is best to learn from it and move on. More often than not, the exercise of acknowledgment was enough to sort the issue out without any further work. You will know if it has been sorted, as it will not go away until it is.
I had quite some work to do and felt the need to pull away entirely to do this. If you are taking on everything everyone else is putting on you then you probably need to create some distance, but you may not need to go to the extreme I did. Before you can hear what your inner self is trying to tell you, you must block out the outside chatter. If you can do this in your life, then great, do that. You are important, and your relationships will be so much better for the work whichever way you choose to go.
This process took a couple of years for me. I leaned into it, I took up activities that made me feel good so it was really an enjoyable experience. I took the time I needed to get to know myself and before long I started to feel good about the person I was.
Which brings me to what I have been noticing. I see that by having a clear vision about who I am as a person, and what I want my life to look like, I must be radiating some sort of vibration. I have done nothing outside of lean right into the person I have become, and as a result, I have noticed all these incredible people come into my life, who all seem to be on a similar path to my own.
Timing is everything. Don't try to rush it, trust that everything is moving forward as it should be, and slowly but surely things will start to change.
Do the work, you wont be sorry. Then again, don’t do the work if that is how you feel right now. Remember there is no such thing as right or wrong, only lessons learned. If things are not going well for you, then you will be motivated to change, but I’d like to think people are thinking about what it is they want for themselves before the pain and struggle sets in. Life doesn’t need to be a constant struggle. Find the flow, find your tribe.
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