Something that helped me claw my way back to a place of self confidence and love was when I started to see the world around me differently than I had previously.
I have always believed in God, but my idea of what/who God is, has most certainly changed over time. I am at a point now where I don’t tend to put a label to God so much as just hold a space of love and gratitude. When things got tough, I always reached out through prayer. This is not a religious thing, more like Spiritual in nature. It is really difficult to explain as it will unlikely make sense. From these times of prayer, there was never any evidence that anything was with me, but I felt it just the same.
My nanna passed away when I was very young and I often found myself talking to her about all sorts of things. I have been to psychics on a number of different occasions throughout my life and they left me reassured that my nanna was in fact with me.
My grandpa also passed and when he was alive there were certain songs he loved, generally sung by Scottish singers/bands like Jimmy Barnes and The Proclaimers. So whenever I heard these songs he loved, I would think of him and know he was around. The amazing thing was that these songs always played when something special was going on. Something that involved the kids or my mum.
My step-father also passed and there was a song played at his funeral called ‘Hallelujah’ that we connected to him. It is not just me that has benefitted from hearing these songs and knowing loved ones were with me. My kids often experience this themselves. Recently they were on camp and my son’s group got lost. Out of nowhere he recalled the kids all started singing Hallelujah and my son knew that everything was going to be alright and that his grandfather was letting him know he was close by.
The coincidences were so perfectly timed that we knew this was more than our imagination. I liked the assurance of knowing a particular loved one was around and assigned a song to my nanna that reminded me of her, by Jon English called ‘Six Ribbons’. She lets me know when she is around and it is often just before something significant happens in my life.
This was when I started to see things a little differently. All of a sudden I realised that there were Angels out there helping us out. It is not like I just decided there were Angels, it has actually taken many years of signs and synchronicities that have led me to this conclusion.
It is not just songs that leaves me feeling there is help. It has expanded into so much more. It has become a knowing. This is something I have developed over time. I guess for a while I wanted it to be true, as I felt I was getting a lot of support, but it took quite some time for me to really believe it was real with everything I have. These days I am drawn to books at times in my life that I need the information contained within that book. I receive particular quotes via Facebook that seem to be directed to me at a particular time it is much needed. I will hear a song, conveying a message I need.
My husband, kids and I play this game called ‘Spotto’ whenever we are in the car. If you see a yellow car, you call out ‘Spotto’ and you get 1 point. If you see a purple or pink car, you call out ‘Polka Dot’ and you get 4 points. Highly entertaining when you throw in accusations of cheating, or call out Polka Dot when you see someone in a purple jacket. Not sure it is a safe game to play when driving, as all of a sudden someone will yell out Spotto or Polka Dot which scares the living daylights out of everyone else in the car. Anyway there have been occasions where I have been in the car on my own, feeling down, overwhelmed, whatever the feeling, and I will see pink car after pink car and yellow after yellow. After a ridiculous amount of pink and/or yellow cars, I can’t help myself and laugh because I know the Universe is playing 'Spotto' with me, in a bid to cheer me up. I love it!
I have learned to use this knowledge to guide me through life. I get signs that tell me I need to take it easy, or that it is okay to feel whatever I am feeling at the time. I get signs that let me know when my gut feelings are right and that I shouldn’t doubt myself. Basically I have received signs that have led me to finding out a lot about myself, both that I like and that I don’t. Ultimately the signs have led me to believe that there is no such thing as right or wrong and I have become so much more accepting as a result.
I generally don’t share this side of myself, just to my husband and kids. They call me out for being crazy at times, but who cares? I’d rather be crazy than boring. There are other people in my life who would not understand either but I have found something that works for me and my life has been steadily getting better and better as a result. I think this is the point, ‘Don’t be afraid to find what works for you, no matter what the people in your life say or think about you’. When you accept people being different from yourself, you are actually creating a space for unconditional love, the only kind that counts.
I have had so much fun with this. I have also found this energy or whatever it is supporting me not to be judgemental (very refreshing) in any way, shape or form. It works for me. What works for you?
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