Depression can be debilitating for everyone involved. It comes in many shades and can be difficult to identify. The effects depression can have, can be devastating which makes being able to identify the signs in loved ones, vital.
A number of things led to my developing depression. I say developing as it crept up on me. I experienced trauma as a child, which messed with my identity, my sense of who I was. I learned that I didn’t matter and as a result, developed self hatred. I could never do anything or achieve anything good enough. I constantly compared myself to others and their achievements and thus constantly told myself I wasn’t good enough. Everything in my life represented how I felt about myself.
When I was younger I was angry all the time and this anger carried me through. If anyone told me I couldn’t do something, that just motivated me to prove them wrong. I was constantly on the defence. Defending myself, my actions, my behaviour. Little did I know at the time that this defence was protection for myself, from myself.
At around the time my children were born, my anger dissipated and so did that drive that got me through. On reflection I wonder if I wasn’t chasing a feeling of being loved that only I could fill. I got married, the feeling was still there. I had children, the feeling was still there. I got my degree in teaching, the feeling was still there.
My first bout of depression came after the birth of my eldest son. Our bodies are sensitive and are easily put out of alignment. After probably having a disposition to depression already, the birth of my children created a chemical imbalance that brought about depression. When my first son was born, the depression settled on its own in a relatively short amount of time. When my twins were born it was not so easy to realign. I tried to ignore the signs, such as feeling helpless, having little interest in day to day activities, I was comfort eating, irritable, lethargic. I just didn’t feel like doing anything and I isolated myself. When I did go out, I put on my mask that told everyone around me that everything was okay. I did not want anyone else in my life to know that I was not coping.
Not only did I feel like crap, but I felt like crap for feeling like crap. I mean I had everything a person could want in life. A beautiful family, a home, friends, so I felt like there was something wrong with me. There was, just not in the sense I thought.
It got to the point where I just couldn’t ignore what was happening any longer. It was clear I wasn’t coping and I had quite a work load, so quite frankly, I just didn’t have time for this shit. I wish I knew then what I know now. If the same thing happened now, I would book myself in for ongoing Neuro-Training with Kinesiology sessions and make time for healing. This was not the case. Instead I went to my doctor and was put on anti-depressants. Someone close to me had also been on similar medication and warned me not to stay on them any longer than need be.
So with that in mind, I got off the meds as soon as possible, which ended up being 6 months. I finished my degree and started teaching. During my time as a teacher I felt that I was barely keeping depression at bay. It came in unbearable waves.
Toward the end of my teaching experience, I was introduced to Neuro-Training. This is where things changed for me. I have always had this drive for something better, a better way of being but never had the capacity to make this happen on my own. Neuro-Training gave me the neurological support I needed to bring about change, to bring about this better way of being.
So with regular Neuro-Training sessions, I started the healing process. This process starts by retracing all forms of disease in a particular order. It retraces from the head and works down, this part of healing relates to the Mental self. From here, healing retraces from the inside out, specifically relating to the Emotional self. Finally healing occurs in reverse order and this part of healing relates to the Physical self. Someone showing illness or symptoms they haven’t experienced for some time is great news and means they are recuperating or returning to their natural health state.
During this time of healing I learned how to take care of myself. Letting people know when I couldn’t make it to work or an event. I started swimming, walking and meditation. I got outside into the sunshine as often as possible and took to doing things that brought me joy and these could be the simplest things. At one point I took the car for a drive each night to find a good spot and watch the sunset.
When writing this Blog, I realised I have recently been experiencing those signs of depression I had in the past, only this time around I am excited at the prospect, as it means I am healing from the depression I experienced earlier on. So until the symptoms pass I will be sure to take good care of myself, not attaching any thoughts, judgement or feelings to these symptoms with the understanding that all things pass.
If you or anyone you know is experiencing any signs or symptoms of depression, reach out, I can help.
Inner Health with Neuro-Training
Website - innerhealthwithneuro-training.com
Facebook - @inner.health.with.neuro.training
Email - firstname.lastname@example.org
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!